Bewildered Soliloquy

This post is an anonymous contribution. Respecting the privacy of the writer, I’m ending the introduction here.

Sometimes I wonder if you ever miss me like I do? I miss you.

Everyday and every night. I miss you when I wake up and miss you more when I go to sleep. I see something wonderful; I miss you, and when I see something terrible, I think of telling you. My friends says that I’ll heal over time and once I get over my pain, I won’t even remember you. I so did not want it to be true but then came a time when I so wanted it to be true. But now, you have become a part of me. How can I forget a part of me?

I am tired of missing you but even when I am extremely busy, there you are, at the back of my mind. Your name on the tip of tongue. I miss you when I pass trucks that reminds me of something you said. I miss you when I eat dark chocolate. I miss you when I press my cloths even when pressing cloths has nothing to do with you. I miss you most when I listen to beautiful songs or when its all quiet. I miss you when I see many other couples so happy with each other. I miss you when I see my empty hands, wondering if I ever get to hold your hand and then letting the cruel realities crush my faint hopes. You see, I am scared of wanting you when I know it’s know possible till you want it too and even though I know that you have moved on with your wonderful life, I still miss you. I miss you whenever my phone rang- every time, even when I know that you’ll never call. I miss you till tears sting my eyes and my eyes are stingy all the time.

Anything can remind me of you which is basically everything and so I miss you. I pray hardest, with all my heart for you. When I do not want to pray for you, I find myself not praying at all. I miss you. One day, I’ll move on but till that day:
___________
It was only an ‘opeless fancy.
It passed like an Ipril dye,
But a look an’ a word an’ the dreams they stirred
They ‘ave stolen my ‘eart awye !
They sye that time ‘eals all things,
They sye you can always forget ;
But the smiles an’ the tears acrorss the years
They twist my ‘eart-strings yet !
(George Orwell- 1984)
_____________________

I miss you.